I look up to the sky and always wonder if someone is out there. I’m not talking about God, but other life forms. Humans or other species, maybe there is, or maybe not. Can we really be the only living thing in the entire universe? The thought of it is terrifying. But why do you care, my voice and my opinion simply don’t matter to you.
I say this because this is who…What I am. A person taking up space. Where someone that matters should be making a difference. A blob in the universes that needs to be erased. This is what I think when I’m down. “Negative thoughts” you might say, but what if they are the truth? And was it ever real to begin with?
Being a black kid in this world isn’t easy you know. Growing up in a family that thinks the system was created to destroy us. Being educated I don’t know if that’s even real anymore. Because if it was, then I shouldn’t be able to read and write. Something that is proven to be a rare skill these days. So instead of believing that, I go forward and try to be someone, but it’s not good enough. I’m considered a sellout, an uncle Tom. Outcasted by those I identify with, along with the mix kids. How I sometimes wish I never said anything at all.
Love…Well, love is a hell of a drug. It plays with your mind and sucks all of the energy out of you. Yeah, it sucks, but it also feels great. It’s the reason we want to live, but it’s also the reason we want to die. I found three loves in my life. One was just a childhood game in high school. The second one was also in high school, but I didn’t feel that way until after I left. The last, felt so real, that I pictured a future with her. I didn’t want to let her go, but I had to, why? Because just like the first two they were nothing but an illusion.
Apologies for my randomness, for this, is how I think when I’m depressed. The brain is a wonderful thing to explore if you’re not afraid to look inside. The things I think makes me see the world from a different perspective. It lets me see that the world isn’t so black and white as I was told in the beginning.