Mental Monday: Dating

Dating someone with Mental illness isn’t easy. This much is true, but it’s also false at the same time. Many people who I’ve met over the past ten years, who deals with mental health, had said the hardest thing about life is dating. Which there is a consensus that dating people is hard in general, due to people not reaching the standards of others or other personal things. But it makes it more difficult when that person who’s dealing with a mental issue can’t get far in the dating life. Let alone the front door.

Quick story about myself here. One day I was catching up with an old friend who I once loved dearly. One thing led to another and the constant going back and forth, and finally, the countless insults we threw at each other would end it. Until a few years later we met back up and started talking again. Everything was going well, with no arguments, or name-calling. Just two young people in their early twenties just enjoying life. Until I was reminded again as to why we stopped talking.

One day I asked her out to dinner at her favorite restaurant and she told me yes instantly. Which didn’t surprise me one bit, because the connection was still there. I felt it in my soul that we can make it work this time. How wrong was I, I went to the restaurant at the time we agreed upon and I looked around and she was nowhere to be found. I assumed she was running late at first, so I went to reserve our table. After waiting for a good ten minutes. I was seated and ordered our drinks. I texted and called her, and nothing happens. I asked the waitress to give me a few minutes because I was waiting on someone… a date I thought. But didn’t want to say out loud. This waitress would come, and I’ll eventually order our food. The food will come, and I’ll be sitting there eating alone. Not a phone call or a text insight. The restaurant damn near empty and my plate clean. The waitress was kind to not bill me for the food that was left undisturbed, and she told me to keep my head up. I acknowledge and went home staying up for the rest of the night.

After that happened a million questions ran through my mind like a tornado. My greatest fear turned into anger, then hatred, and finally suffering. I was not up to talk to anyone. I kept it in not uttering a single vowel. I cried on the inside, not once showing a tear. When she eventually called me telling me her side of the story. I just told her it was cool, and we can try again later. I was a fool, it kept happening. Only this time I stayed home instead of showing up at the places we agreed upon. It destroyed my confidence in so many ways, that I would fall into this deep depression, which I later named “My episodes.” But more on that later.

The point I’m making here is when dating someone with mental health becomes difficult at times. Stop and think about that person for a second. Try your hardest to learn if there is a backstory by anything that may have triggered that person. A good example, when someone thinks they’re not good enough for someone. Chances are they’ve been rejected by someone like you before, maybe people are saying things that shouldn’t be said. Maybe they think low of themselves to the point they’re believing the lies themselves. Or like me, they probably were stood up so many times they just don’t bother to make plans anymore.

So, what can you do as a person to help that significant other? Just a simple thing really, it’s so simple that it’ll blow your mind out of the water. So simple you would sit down and think about every life choice that you made so far in your life. What is it? What are these simple things you can do?????

Communicate, just talk to them about their problems. Learn something about them, and if you want, a simple compliment will do. You don’t have to shower them with love. Just a simple gesture will do. If they text or call you, just respond and talk to them. Yeah, I get it as adults were busy, but no one, and I mean no is that busy to have a five-minute conversation. Trust me on this one, something as a simple discussion consistently will do wonders for people with mental health issues. Even for those that don’t deal with it but are tired of dealing with the same signs repeatedly.

I think I got this down packed, but I see myself re-visiting this topic soon. So, for the first time. I would appreciate it if some of you left comments telling me if you or a loved one had problems dating someone, because of mental health issues. Whether that it was you or that significant other. Until then, I’ll see you guys on Wednesday and thank you for tuning in.

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