Mental Monday: Being Loved

If this “quarantine” has taught me anything these past few weeks, it is that I yearn to be loved by someone. Not just family, or friends, but that special person we all have been looking for. That soul mate, that “best friend” we’ll eventually fall in love with. The one you want to come home too because you miss them. Do I know how that feels? No, I do not, if we’re being honest here. The last girl that said she loved me lied for years about it, and I was too blind to see it.

The crazy thing about finding love in this unfair and cold world. Is that so many of us try to take it slow, try to make it happen naturally. Some of us force and for some odd reason, it works for them. I was told by many people in the past that I force things and do not let things come naturally. This usually leads me to remind them that I spent about a year or two getting to know that person. Which some will say is too long and I agree to a certain extent. I just like to learn everything about a person, their strength, and weaknesses. Their favorite things and least favorite. I mean I should get some credit for trying, but all I get is reprimanded from those that I call friends.

Finding love is probably the hardest thing to do next to find a job. Every person you are interested in has certain requirements, or standards, that they go by. A first date is pretty much an interview and talking is a trial run. Some see this as an exaggeration of the dating scene, but it is true, and it sucks. I barely go on dates anymore, hell I barely like investing my time into people I’m attracted to. You just get so tired of being lied and hurt all the time, that you start to question your worth.

If your reading this right now, whether your new or not it means just like me, your tired too. Tired of getting burned after one relationship after another, lied too, used, abused physically and mentally. It gets to the point that you’re once caring and loving soul, become corrupted with anger which then becomes hatred, which soon leads to suffering. I get it, I do. I’m also tired of getting burned and lied too for so many years. To sit here and develop trust issues with the people around me. I do not know how many true friends I have, but I don’t dwell too much on it. Fear that I might make more enemies then friends if I haven’t already.

It’s ironic how those words from Star Wars can be so relatable in our galaxy. But right now, just talking about this topic exhausts me. So, that’s it for today, but I’ll have another special on Friday. Mostly another update about yours truly, but for now stay safe and healthy. And may the force be with you.

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