One of the hardest things about being mentally ill is fighting the battle on your own. No one to turn to because everyone that said that would be there has reached their limit. You want to cry, but you’re all cried out, scream, but nothing won’t come out. Now you’re just sitting down either staring at a blank wall, or a blank T.V. screen like me. It’s not easy and people will tell you that it is, but some of us have it worse than others. Some will have a bad day every blue moon, while others are dealing with it every day of their lives. We need to focus on fighting back, focus on healing ourselves out of our despair. And we must start somewhere, and that somewhere is you.
I know it’s hard to accept that you’re your own worst enemy, but it’s true and it sucks. However, don’t take it too personally when I came to that realization. I didn’t see it in a toxic way, I saw it as an enlightened one. Why? Because when you think back on all the time you’ve been hurt, walked on, or just plain “screwed” over by so many people. You must understand that they’re doing it for a reason. Even if their reasons are horrid beyond measure it’s a reason, nonetheless. Now, you’re probably asking what does this has to do with me being my own enemy? If you did good question if not…well, I’m not a mind reader people.
We try so hard to avoid the way people hurt us and we end up running into them anyway. We think they’re intentions are good and that they mean well, then before you know it, you’re only noticed by them when you’re relevant. By the time you realize it you fight back, you set boundaries, and just like that, they’re gone. No more phone calls, text messages, or even a Facebook message.
You’re nothing to them now and we’re back to where we once started. Staring at a blank wall, withdrawn from the world itself. Some will call you sad, or tell you to stop being negative, but when it comes down to it, they don’t understand how your life is like washing your hair. You get it wet, wash it, rinse, and repeat. To put it laymen terms. You meet a new person, you become friends, they crap all over you, and you repeat. But once we had enough of it, we blame ourselves, we look at ourselves in this negative way that it’s not even funny. That’s why we need to learn how to forgive ourselves.
Yep, I said it right the first time. The first process of healing is by forgiving yourself. It’s not your fault that people treat you the way they do. People get hurt all the time, but you’re the better person for taking the moral high ground. But you must set those boundaries, something we’ll talk about next week. The focus here is to forgive yourself and understand that you’re not at fault for how you were treated. People treat good people like crap all the time because in their feeble minds they think no one in the world is that good. They think you have some dark side and they’ll do anything to bring that out. I’ve have seen it done to me more times than I can count, and the track record isn’t that good. Don’t let the same thing happen to you. Be the better person don’t do what I did (more on that later).
By forgiving yourself, you set yourself up for future attacks. But you’ll be ready to heed them off one at a time. By forgiving yourself, you’ll realize your self-worth, that nothing is wrong with you and you’re a unique person in this heartless world. So, do you me a favor and forgive yourself first. That’s all you have to do this week. Look in the mirror and think about all the humiliation, the hurt, the deception. Once you’ve done that, look at yourself and say IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.