Mental Monday: Getting Older

My birthday is three days away and this year I’ll be turning thirty years old. Yes, I know, I should be grateful to be alive where others will never get to see this age. But I am grateful, it’s just that when I sit here and think about what I have done in my twenties. I don’t feel that accomplished. Yes, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice. But that’s pretty much it. Where I have seen friends and family members get married, buy their own house, cars, and other accomplishments. Where I, on the other hand, am turning thirty and still live with his mom.

Many people will tell me that it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but many probably won’t understand. When I was younger, nineteen to be exact, I had a whole plan. Go to college, graduate by twenty-one, get a nice job, marry the girl I always had my eye on and raise a family, and live out the rest of my days.  But life had a different plan, a plan that would turn my life upside down. My heart was broken numerous times, friends came and went, and losing one job after the other. I couldn’t catch a break, no matter what I tried to do my mind bent over backward. Almost breaking me in the end. The idea of giving up my plans was lingering in my mind for so long that I eventually caved in and threw it all away. Education, career, marriage, and family. I thought myself to be worthless and alone, and I was okay with that.

Until one day I woke up tired of feeling sorry for myself and went back to my junior college and finished my degree, then transferred to my University where I finished three years later. Everything was looking up, I got a job and kept it. Even though I had a few bumps on the road there. I was doing great, I decided to pick up writing and took classes to improve my craft, started this blog, and now I’m here telling you that I didn’t need to feel accomplished in my twenties because I was too busy finding my place in the world. Building my foundation to become the person that I’m going to be in the next three days.

I want to re-invent myself. Take care of myself by drinking more water, eating better, and getting more active. As well as taking my career as a writer to the next level. Who would’ve thought that I had to go through so much hell just to get to heaven? So, much stress to find peace within me. I know that there are a lot of things that are going to change in a few days, and it must start with myself first.

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