The one thing I had to understand about reflection was to understand oneself. Even though I’m still somewhat struggling with this. I now see who and what was the problem with my life, and that problem was me. Even though I accepted that I was my own worst enemy five years ago, the more I reflect on it; the more I came to terms with it. So, for the past few weeks, I spent time blaming myself for my problems and my downfall. Even for things that weren’t my fault I still blamed myself for allowing it to go on for too long.
I blamed myself for the times that I was stabbed in the back by those that I called friends. Even when I defended their toxic behaviors, I knew that it had to be addressed. Still, I sat there and continued to let those people behave in their toxic matter until they turned on me. Should I apologize for what I did in the past? No, what happened, happened. The only thing I can do is learn from it and move on with life. Do better things and meet new people and do right by them, even if it means leaving them behind.
I also blamed myself for spending too much time on things that don’t matter. For the past five years, I have made some new friends in my city, even across the country. I wouldn’t say they were the best selection, but I’m glad that I met them. For if it weren’t for them, I would never saw myself in them. The kindness, the concerns, but most importantly the hatred. The hatred of things that they spent so much focus on, that they forgot about the positive things.
This I’m guilty of and I’m not afraid to admit it. For most of my life, I spent so much time on things that I hated, that I lost sight of things that I love. I almost missed out on things that were a once in a lifetime experience. I almost missed out on creating worlds and writing ideas for other projects that I’m working on. I almost missed out on some cool book series that I plan on reading next year.
Reflection is, in a nice way, a pain, but a good pain at that. It releases the demons that were once inside of you. Even helps you identify your friends from your enemies. Just because everyone wants to be your friend, doesn’t mean they want you to eat. I encourage everyone, when they’re ready, to reflect on their situation and understand how they got there and how are they going to fix that. It’s painful this I know, but know that once the pain is gone, you’ll be a whole new person of mind, body, and soul.