Finding My Voice: Label

The last time we spoke I told you how I came to learn that I had no real friends at school…or at least I think. Well, today I’m going to tell you the follow-up of what happened after the whole situation with my so call friends. I was labeled a snitch at school. And that label would follow me for at least another five years.

So, making friends at school wasn’t the easiest thing for me, let alone taking a pop quiz. Even when I did make friends they would just abandon me, once they heard what I’ve done. I would never get invited to places. I was a topic in those dreadful burn books. Someone went as far as drawing a rat and putting my name next to it. Yes, it was bad, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I managed to find a group of friends that would ignore the label (To a certain extent) and they would let me sit with them at lunch each day. It felt good not being a loner, but still, I was never invited anywhere. Just a kid who would spend his weekend watching T.V. and playing video games. Something that would become a routine for me down the road.

As time would go on I would hear that label more often as I got out of the house more. Of course, this was after high school. So, I apologize for jumping a little ahead as I haven’t fully revealed the full story of me being in high school. Anywho, my friend at the time (still is) made a persuasive argument that I should get out more. Instead of always being cooped up in the house all day. I won’t lie he was right, I didn’t want to be a hermit like Obi-wan Kenobi. So, I started getting out more. Long story short that adventure only lasted for about a year or two…maybe three can’t quite remember. But the reason for that is because the label of snitch was still following me even at the age of twenty.

Due to my past always following me everywhere I go. I developed a drinking habit to help make the pain go away. I will drink until I passed out in my own bed each night. I know it wasn’t the best choice I made in my life. But I should get a little credit for doing it at home, right? I would never drink and drive because I couldn’t live with myself if someone I cared about got hurt or even worse. So, I always did it at home, where I had more control and fewer consequences.

But I’ll talk more on that later(promise). But me being label as a rat made it difficult for me to get through high school. I would act like it never bothered me at school, but I would go home and have a mental breakdown in my room from time to time. But if you ask anyone how I was in high school. They may say I was nice, cool, and always smiling. You’ll never hear that he was a depressed kid, trying to make each day count. That’s because, I wanted everyone to see the positive side of me, never the negative.

Bottom line is, with that label following me around like a lost puppy. No one asked for my side of the story. As you can probably tell, this caused me to withdraw from people and keep to myself. Every time I was involved in a situation. I stood quiet and would paint myself as the villain, where I was the hero of those stories. But no one will never know that I was. Let alone care.

But that’s it for now as going down memory lane is bringing back some un-wanting pain for me.  I’ll leave this here, so you can take in what you just read. I don’t know how you’re reacting to this or if you even care. But if you want to express your opinion on the matter. Don’t be afraid to comment below. Remember I heard it all, so nothing you’ll say or do will hurt me. Just, thank you for taking the time to read my story and listen to my voice.

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